I am starting on therapy and anti-depressants this week. This is the first time in my life that I’m trying it. I have done therapy before, but never with a real awareness that I’ve got depression and I need to treat it. Even now, saying it sounds surreal to me. I still resist the idea that I’ve got it. Probably because life has always been like this to me and I will explain in the next post why. I guess it’s normal that you think there is nothing wrong with you when that is the only “world” you have always known. It kind of becomes your “normal”, until you feel there’s something wrong, and then you ignore it and think “maybe it’s just different”. Fine line there.. Where is the balance spot between what is abnormal and needs to be sorted and what is just “different” and should be embraced?
Now that I have finally admitted to myself, I actually think I have battled with depression on-and-off during my whole life, yes: since I was a little girl. I have always been a great self-analyzer and self-critical person and I believe this has helped me to grow out of depressive moments in my life as I learned more and more about myself. But I never ever stopped and thought: I need to treat this, I need to get to the bottom of it (although it has certainly been what I most wanted unconsciously). well, this time I will. I feel I’ve found the right professional to help me and I will share my experience here with you guys. It’s actually a bit scary to write about it. But I feel I need to. I have always loved to write and I let this side of mine sleep for many years (probably consequence of on-and-off depressive mood). And although sharing it makes me feel super vulnerable it also helps me and I hope that sharing will also help others who are going through the same thing. We can share experiences and help each other.