I found out last week that I never knew what it felt like to have your brain releasing endorphins during workout. I have always exercised (on and off) and it was always a very rational decision, cause I knew it would help with my general health and mind. So I did it like that, kinda forcing me. I never felt that “good feeling” while or after exercising, all I felt was just that I was proud of myself for doing it and in my mind THAT was the good feeling people were talking about when they said exercising liberated endorphins!
THEN, last week I went to the gym for the first time after I started on anti-depressant. I was going constantly before I started the meds, but I had a lot of changes in the last couple of months (new job, moved to a new city etc..) so I hadn’t found my new gym yet.
Anyway, 10,15 minutes into Cardio it was just the same as always, boring, I was hating it but forcing myself to do it. (LOL). Then about 20 minutes into it I started feeling this AMAZING feeling! Like if I could actually feel my body releasing stress and anxiety and they were leaving my body and my body was just becoming lighter and lighter and I started LOVING the feeling of exercising! I had never ever EVER felt that before! when I went home I was feeling so energized, light and happy! I texted my therapist straight away and asked what’s that! what’s happening!?
She said that this good feeling I got was actually the NORMAL for people to feel. I had never felt it because obviously my brain was in lack of balance of the chemicals of well being (as I mentioned before, she said I’ve been depressed probably since childhood and never knew it) so I never knew what it felt like. So, now that it has been about 4 months since I started taking the anti-depressant, my brain is starting to get the chemical balance and felt safe enough to release endorphins and cortisol while I exercised and this is a great great sign that the treatment is working! I just really want to keep exercising now!
It’s exciting to get to know a side of life you never knew existed!
(by the way, I actually hurt my back at the gym last week, I think I got a bit too excited and did a bit more than I should hahaha So I’m treating my back and once it’s ok I’ll get back to the gym and be more careful with the weight lifting part).
Another step on the journey through depression that I wanted to share with you guys.
P.s.: Almost every day I get notifications that people are following my blog and this warms my heart to know there’s people out there that want to hear my story and hopefully my experience can help or inspire someone to fight for themselves, doesn’t matter in what stage of depression you are. I was in a very very deep one, and it has been a long journey to get out of the mud I was buried in, but it’s so worth it! Please get yourself on the journey if you haven’t started yet… A lot of days you won’t feel any difference, but keep walking! there IS light in the end of the tunnel!
Hugs people 🙂